Hindsight is 20/20

Yesterday my new reading glasses arrived, making everything clearer but so inconvenient. Trying to remember the damn things, constantly cleaning them, pushing them back when they fall off my face. All these things I never had to worry about, but I also couldn't finish a magazine article without my eyes crossing over and seeing double.

What I actually want to write about is hindsight. How when you look back on your life, everything seem clearer, you have perfect, 20/20 vision. You realise how stupid your stupid mistakes were. Suddenly everything that one friend did was SO irritating. You can't believe you ever thought that haircut was a good look on you. All these things that you wish you knew when it was relevant so that you could do things differently.

I think the most common little hindsight realisation is that you always wish you didn't waste your time with those stupid/ creepy/ rude/ childish boys you were so "in love" with. Most of the poetry I post/ed is about a guitar player who was 7 years older than me. I was 13/14 and totally smitten, I didn't know how to deal with all the "love" bottled up inside of me - I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I couldn't tell him or anyone how I felt so I wrote and wrote and wrote.

I just post the most sensible of what I can find, and even then I laugh at how much time I wasted on this one guy. Every time I read a poem again before posting it I giggle, thinking back to how I would sit in my maths classes and write poems instead of working. I wasted a year of my life thinking he was "the one" - crazy, young and in love.

So look back, and live life to the fullest. Life will always be full of regrets and mistakes, but that's how we learn and that's how we can look ahead to a better future filled with less regrets. But while we're young we're supposed to be dumb :)

Never Again

Never Again

03/11/08

I'm letting go

I'm saying goodbye

Never again shall I gaze

at your dark eyes

and wish they'd look back

For you are not mine

Never again

shall I stare

at your thick black hair

and wish to run my fingers through it

For you are not mine

Never again

shall I glance

at your arms

and wish you'd embrace me

For you are not mine

Never again

shall I peek

at your fingers

and wish they'd intertwine with mine

For you are not mine

Never again

shall I look at you

and wish you were mine

For you are not

But I am yours

I Love His All

A poem about what I thought was love for a guitar player :)

I Love His All

- 23/05/08

I love his smell

and his smile

His skill and his soul

I love his hair
and his eyes, 
and the way he cocks his eyebrow.
I love his ears, 
and how he tilts over 
to the left
to hear himself better. 
I love his feet, 
bare and free and seeking adventure,
like his spirit.
His hands
as they are and create
art.
I love how he folds
his ripped arms
across his broad chest
and how he opens them to his God.
I love how his mouth
is always left 
slightly open
when he's playing. 
I love his laugh and his accent. 
His voice soothes my soul
and my racing heart. 
His name etches itself deeper into me
whenever it is spoken. 
Because I love his all

Back to Blogging

Since the new year I've already dealt with some extreme ups and downs and recurring issues in my life and lifestyle. But I've decided that this is the first day of the rest of my life, and I make that decision every day. I didn't make any resolutions this year - I always break them before the 3rd of Jan. Before I even write them down.

But I did make myself a promise at 1am on the first night of this year; "I will focus on those who care for me, and forget those who don't."
It's as simple as that :)

Someone who I know has always cared for me (and probably WILL always care for me) is Bianca van Rooyen. We met in 2006 and even though she is 4 years older than I am and our personalities differ and much as the day and night, we get along famously! She recently moved 700km's away :( but we always find each other again even if we don't have the time to chat every single day, we'll make some time now and again to talk about our fantasy weddings, our future careers and our thoughts on Twilight.

So I dedicate this post and this year's blog to you Bee. You've inspired me to do what I love again. You have such a contagious passion, now I'm going to share what I love with the world too :)

Check out Bee's blog at the link below!
Bianca's Fashion Blog

Bianca and I at her 21st Birthday in 2011. It was a dress up party - 1950s theme :)