Real Miracles Do Happen

Exactly 137 days ago I tried to kill myself. Exactly 137 days ago I couldn’t see myself alive anymore, and could only imagine my future as a dark abyss. Exactly 137 days ago I destroyed every member of my family and brought them to their knees before a god they weren’t too sure existed anymore. But then, 137 days ago, a real miracle took place.

I suffer from Bipolar Mood with Effectiveness Disorder. I also have an Anxiety Disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 15, so I’ve been living with the disease and the label for over 2 years now. I cope fairly well. I’m on medication and I see a psychiatrist weekly, but sometimes the mood swings catch me, and I go into a depressive state. When I’m in such a state, it’s not unusual for suicidal thoughts, ideas or plans to come and formulate in my head, unfortunately.

One Tuesday afternoon though, on the 25^th of October 2011, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Nothing in particular had happened to set me off. I was stressed because of school work and coming up exams sure. I was feeling lonely and fighting with my family – like every teenager does every now and then. So nothing set me off. I just felt as though it were my “time”. So I went into my bedroom and scraped together all the different kinds of painkillers I could find. I had 3 types, including Paracetimol.

I swallowed over 60 tablets. I felt nauseous halfway through. I remember at one point I needed to get up and refill my water bottle because I needed 2 litres of water to be able to swallow all the pills and I thought to myself – “I should stop now.” but I was trapped in the motions. Just as I swallowed the last tablets and lay back to let nature take her course, I changed my mind though and called my parents into my bedroom.

They phoned and ambulance and after a very close brush with death I pulled through and I’m still here. Thanks to God and the second chances He gives, I now believe that miracles really do happen, even to us ordinary people.